Friends are allowed to make mistakes – at least that’s what you thought when your BFF forgot your birthday, but when she lied to you about spilling the beans after you specifically asked her not to … you drifted apart.

In a perfect world we treat our friends like saints 24/7, but we’re all human and sometimes we mess up.

Let’s be honest, being in quarantine during the pandemic has provided us with ample time to reflect – especially when it comes to broken friendships. When the hustle and bustle of the world came to a standstill, you had time to think about the things that matter …  love, family, and friendships. The desire for meaningful human connection has never been so strong.

A good friend is an emotional safe haven, providing support, guidance and joy. And when someone like that is suddenly gone from your life it can be heart-wrenching. So how do you go about rebuilding a friendship that has splintered? What do you say, and what if your former friend doesn’t want to hear it?

Deep breath: not all friendship fissures need to be fatal. If you feel a pang of regret or remorse when you think about a former friend, get the ball rolling. After all, you have nothing to lose and only a friend to gain.

First of all, ask yourself whether the friendship is worth mending? So, heads up: not all relationships are worth saving. Did you feel that it was a give-and-take relationship where you were the one always giving? A solid rule of thumb is: if you really miss her – and if she made you feel happy and good about yourself – then reach out. Yes, even if she betrayed you in a big way.

Make the first move whether you are the guilty party or not. Why should you be the one to reach out? Give your ego a break, remove defensiveness and open your heart. Send a text, or call and tell her that you miss her friendship. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability. Acknowledge what you did - or didn’t do - and don’t expect anything in return.Apologize if you need to. End the blame game once and for all. Stop dwelling in the past, be kind with your words and avoid asking “why?”

Remember both parties need to feel heard and valued. So, take it slow and be patient. Ask her to do something you enjoyed doing together when your friendship was strong, like going for a manicure, or meeting up for lunch.

Rebuilding a friendship takes time but if there’s no reciprocity, respect her decision and let it go. Move on knowing you’ve done all that you possibly could and show yourself some love for stepping up. However, find a way to make peace - forgive or ask for forgiveness - even if the friendship is over.   

Samuel Butler once said: “Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”

So true, don’t you think?


DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.