Relationships are messy. Whether it’s the result of a recent betrayal or years of disappointment; pain caused by the person closest to you is not the easiest burden.

Will you ever have the same starry-eyed “nothing will ever come between us” love again? No. Will your relationship be the same as before? Probably not. But, maybe it’s not always about trying to fix things … maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.

Love and connection is a choice, yeah, it truly is that simple! It is very possible to recapture the magic in a relationship, however, in order to successfully start over you need to regain the trust that was lost, as well as rekindle the spark that first made the relationship worth fighting for.

The good news is that nothing is irreparable. The realistic news is that it takes work. In order to truly “start over” both of you need to make the commitment and be up for the challenge. Decide to acknowledge the past without dwelling. You need to rebalance the power: You cannot move forward feeling like one person owes the other, or with one person being the vulnerable one. At some point past wounds need to be put in the past, not forgotten, but taken out of play; meaning that they will not be brought up in every new argument; only then will you be able to move forward. Letting go of resentment against your partner for things that happened in the past is as much a gift to you as it is to your partner.

Use the past to your advantage. Most couples don’t have hundreds of arguments, they have the same argument hundreds of times. You’re already ahead of the game when it comes to figuring out your significant other. You already know the nuances that lead to frustration. So, you can skip the growing pains and set the stage to building a solid relationship.

However, be patient, this is a process and if you need to, get support. Therapy is great because it gives you an unbiased, experienced support person and it allows you to focus time together outside of therapy on rediscovering the person you initially fell in love with. Usually this involves being more relaxed, creating adventure and making the bedroom less vanilla. Don’t be afraid to branch out and try new things together. Share your thoughts, hopes and dreams as respect and trust returns little by little.

Accept lack of control. You can change your attitude and response to people, but you can’t change their response to you.

Remember, if you choose to start over, things need to change; we can’t forgive injuries that are still happening to us. Coexisting with another human being can be difficult in the best of times and sometimes a new beginning requires an end.

If your relationship continues to deteriorate and none of you are happy, it may be best to let go.


DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.