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While jealousy may be song-lyric gold (we see you Nick Jonas!), it’s not exactly a comfortable feeling to experience in a relationship.
Coming across the “green eyed monster” in a relationship is totally normal … ish. Wondering who your significant other is Snapchatting? Totally fair. However, accusing him/her of cheating with their ex because of it? Absolutely not.
It’s only natural to feel a little jealous when your partner talks to someone attractive. But when those feelings consume you and when you make decisions based on those emotions, problems could arise.
Jealousy is a reaction to a real or perceived threat to a valued relationship. According to Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of 5 Simple Steps To Take Marriage From Good To Great, there are 2 types of jealousy in relationships.
The first: “Reactive jealousy” – is when you become aware of an actual threat to your relationship. This type of jealousy usually happens after your mate has actually deceived you. And yes, almost everyone feels reactive jealousy when they realise that their partner has been unfaithful or is doing something that jeopardises the relationship.
The second one – “Suspicious jealousy” – is the reason you simply can’t resist taking a peak at your partner’s phone when they are in the bathroom. This is all about your own insecurities, inadequacies and low self-esteem.
Lurking behind the paranoia towards our partners are often critical thoughts toward ourselves. What lies at the heart of jealousy very often is not the threat itself, but the drive we have within us to torment ourselves with negative thoughts. Thoughts like: “What does he see in her?” can quickly turn into: “She’s so much prettier/thinner/more successful than me!” And, over time, we become less like the person we are and more like the critical inner voice defining us.
Here are a few expert approved tips to equip you during the “green storm”:
- Believe that you deserve to have someone love you. Don’t compare yourself to others. You are super crazy lovable and worthy of having a committed partner, which is why you currently have one. Remind yourself every day how powerful, beautiful, wonderful, special and loving you are.
- Do your own thing. Are you depending on romantic relationships to determine your self-worth? Do more things that will make you feel like a bona fide badass.
- Don’t allow your imagination to overpower reality. Recognise that jealous thoughts are not necessarily reality. For most of us jealousy is fear driven and not linked to facts.
- Have an honest conversation with your partner. Avoid accusatory vibes at all cost. It takes courage and vulnerability to admit that you’re jealous. From there you can establish boundaries that will make both of you feel safe in the relationship. Establish what cheating means to you. Is flirting okay?
- Don’t get swept up in the online world. It’s easy to misinterpret messages and jump to conclusions. Also, don’t raid their stuff. PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
Feelings of uncertainty are natural, however, it’s all about how you deal with it. You can never know for sure that your partner won’t reject you, but if you accuse, demand and punish, you might create a self-fulfilled prophesy.
Source: goalcost.com, cosmopolitan.com, daryahaitoglou.com, womenslifestyle.com, realsimple.com, womenshealthmag.com, elitesingles.com, instyle.com, oprahdaily.com, psychologytoday.com
DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.